Posted on Walking With Integrity

I am delighted and honored to have the following essay posted on IntegrityUSA's blog known as  Walking With Integrity.

Please visit Integrity's webpage and blog. If you're not a member, please consider becoming one and/or at least make a contribution to the important work done by this independent justice organization of The Episcopal Church.

El Roi: Waiting for SCOTUS on DOMA/Prop 8

by Elizabeth Kaeton

I know some people who have bitten their nails down to the quick.

Others just can’t stop talking about it. It’s the buzz in most of the circles I travel.

If you were from a different country, or landed here from a different planet, you’d think you had forgotten everything you learned in“Conversational English 101”.

“When do you think we’ll hear from SCOTUS on DOMA/Prop8?”

“Will SCOTUS let Prop 8 stand but DOMA fall?”

In case you are from another country or another planet or have been living on a secluded island somewhere in the middle of the Pacific, let me explain.

The Supreme Court of The United States (SCOTUS) has been deliberating two landmark cases for the LGBT community. One is the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) – a law signed in 1996 by then President of the United States (POTUS), Bill Clinton – which restricted the federal recognition of marriage to one man and one woman.

DOMA prevents those who are in same-sex marriages from receiving a host of federal benefits, such as the ability to file a joint tax return. In the case before the court, a widow was forced to pay $363,000 in inheritance taxes after her female spouse died, a liability she would not have incurred if she'd been married to a man. A federal appeals court ruled that provision of DOMA was unconstitutional. Another provision, requiring states to recognize only opposite-sex marriages performed in other states, is not at issue here.

Proposition 8 (Prop 8) a voter referendum, is California's same-sex marriage ban that was struck down on narrow grounds by the 9th U.S. Circuit of Appeals. Should SCOTUS uphold that decision, same-sex marriages could begin again in California in mid- to-late July, according to San Francisco City Attorney Dennis Herrera's office. (San Francisco was an intervenor in the case on the plaintiff's side.)

If the court uses the case to issue a more sweeping ruling that all same-sex marriage bans are illegal, that would effectively legalize same-sex marriage throughout the country. There are many in-between possibilities as well.

So, yes, anxiety is high because the stakes are high. Very high.

How high? Well, just our very lives as LGBT people who are citizens of the United States of America (USA) who pay taxes, mow our lawns, take out the trash, recycle and are, otherwise, good citizens of this country and the Universe.

So, when will we hear the decision from SCOTUS? Odds are that we will hear sometime this month (June, 2013), which ends the SCOTUS term.

When cases aren't decided by the end of the term, the protocol is to reorder for re-argument for the next term. But there hasn't been any indication in the SCOTUS blog notes that would indicate that judges are leaning in that direction.

The last Really Big case this Supreme Court ruled on was the Affordable Care Act. If you recall that was on a Thursday, not a "Super Monday" (Mondays in June—the court's busiest month—when opinion announcements are revealed are dubbed Super Mondays) which basically means that the Court decides what days it will issue opinions.

More opinions are expected this coming Thursday. So, if the Court is waiting until the last possible minute to rule, it would probably be on June 26 or 27 (a Thursday).

And if the rulings on DOMA and Prop. 8 are released that week, that timing would coincide with New York City's Gay Pride and San Francisco's Gay Pride—two of the biggest celebrations in the country and one of is a city that's directly affected by the court's Prop. 8 decision.

This is why some people refer to SCOTUS as “The Supremes” –because they seem to know more about drama than the entire combined casts of“The Young and The Restless,” and “Days of our Lives.”

Now that we are coming down to the wire, how do we survive this waiting game?

I was recently reminded by former interim director of Integrity, Harry Knox, (now CEO and ED of RCRC - Religious Coalition of Reproductive Choice) of the name given to God by our sister Hagar.

In Genesis 16, Hagar flees to the desert from the abuse of her mistress, Sari, who was unable to have a child of her own and had “given”Hagar to her husband, Abram, to have a child, the one who would be named Ishmael.

Hagar is visited in the desert by an angel of the Lord who tells her to return to Sari and promises that God will “increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count.”

Hagar gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”

El Roi. The God who sees me.

We may have been invisible to the government, but God sees us. The One God who “marvelously made and even more marvelously redeemed” us has always seen us.

El Roi. The Scriptures offer us this beautiful name for God as a doorway into the soul of justice.

As we count down the days to the SCOTUS decision, I urge you to remember this prayer of Hagar: No matter what happens, God sees us.

As the arc of history bends toward justice, more and more of the face of God is revealed to us – for God has seen us and has heard our cry.

As important as the decisions of the SCOTUS is on these two issues, let us hold in mind and in our hearts the prayer of Hagar: “You are the God who sees me, for I have now seen the One who sees me.”

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The Rev’d Dr. Elizabeth Kaeton has been a member of IntegrityUSA since 1977. She has served on the Board as well as legislative floor whip for two General Conventions. She was, for five years, Canon Missioner to The Oasis and is the immediate past National Convener of The Episcopal Women’s Caucus, a position she held for 10 years. She presently works as a pastoral counselor and Hospice chaplain and serves The Episcopal Church as a reader for the General Ordination Exams (GOEs) as well as the national board of RCRC (Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice).

Beyond God the Father

Father's Day always brings up a cascade of difficult memories and emotions for me.

That happens to those of us - men and women - who had/have a father who was/is an alcoholic.

Mother's Day is not much better for me. That's mostly because my mother was an enabler to my father's alcoholism. When my father drank, it was always some one's fault because he was drinking. Someone (usually me, but whichever one of us acted like a normal kid that day) didn't "behave". Someone (definitely me, being the oldest) was not "a good example" for the younger kids.

Over the years, I've learned to understand and appreciate the circumstances of my father's disease -  the cultural influences,  the mores of the time - and the way it infected and affected our entire family system. It's taken a great deal of work, but I've also learned to forgive my parents.

There really was no choice about it. Forgiving my parents, I mean. Well, I suppose there was, but there was only one healthy choice and that was to find forgiveness, even if that meant that there wouldn't be the kind of reconciliation I hoped and longed for.

As they say in 12-Step Programs, holding onto anger is like eating rat poisin and expecting the other person to die. Harboring resentment is like letting that person take up rent-free space in your brain.

It was a long, painful process of healing which took a great deal of intention and well.... yes....I'll say it, courage.  It takes the courage to confront your own demons, grieve the loss of your preconceived notions and change your reality by changing your expectations of yourself and others.

Sometimes, healing came from unexpected places.

I remember being challenged by my Spiritual Director to identify my earliest images of God.  Of course, it was "God the father" in the stained glass windows of the church and pictures in my children's bible story books.

God never looked benevolent to me in these pictures. "He" always looked angry - ready to 'smite' or strike down.  Drunk with power. Not unlike the father I had at home.

Then, my Spiritual Director asked me to identify the earliest sounds of God. We went through the poetic sound of the wind and the the rustle of leaves in the trees.

Then, she asked if I had an early experience of a human sound that was an experience of God.

I tried to think of a time when my father was not angry. Not drunk. When he was kind and gentle. There were those moments, but they were so clouded by painful memories of his violent drunken rages that they were hard to recall.

Did your father read you bedtime stories, my spiritual director asked?

I thought about it. It had been a long, long time. And then, I remembered.

I remembered being young - what? 3? 4? - sharing my father's lap with my younger sister. She was squirming, as little ones are wont to do, but I was cuddled in, snuggled under my father's strong arm. 

My head was on his chest. I was listening to the story he was reading, but I was actually listening to it with my ear against his chest. That made his voice sound ethereal. Not exactly human - not the voice of my father - but otherworldly. An echo coming from another time - another place and another reality - through my father's chest.

It was comforting and disconcerting, all at once.

I remember thinking, "This must be what God sounds like."

Later, I had another realization. My father only had a sixth grade education. His parents pulled him out of school to help with his father's farm. At grade 6, he had already had more education than his own father. He could read and write in English and Portuguese. What more did he need?

My father could read the daily, local newspaper. And, he did. Every morning. As soon as it arrived. I remember learning in school that our local community newspaper - The Fall River Herald News - was written at a sixth grade reading/comprehension level. The Boston Globe and the NY Times, however - at least in those days - were written at a ninth grade reading/comprehension level.

I never saw a copy of either the Boston Globe or the NY Times in our house. My father may have been able to read it, but he wouldn't have been able to comprehend most of what was written.

But, he could read our children's books. Very well. And, he did. Every night. If reading the Fall River Herald News was his morning ritual, reading Winnie the Pooh or Charlotte's Web to his children was his nightly ritual.

It was the one thing he could do for his children. As we got older, he couldn't keep up and let the nightly ritual drop. I remember his sadness when my youngest sister no longer wanted to sit still for story time and we older kids didn't want to have "that baby stuff" read to us when we were perfectly capable of reading My Friend Flicka or Nancy Drew or The Hardy Boys to ourselves.

I remember a distinct bitter-sweet air about him when my youngest sister went off to school and started to learn to read on her own. And, I remember his frustration when he couldn't read the books I brought home from the library in Jr. High School. 

When he got frustrated, he drank. And, when he drank, he got violent. And, when he got violent ...... well ....... I learned to hide under my bed with a book and a flashlight and let the author speak to me of wild horses and great adventures and foreign lands.

They never go away completely, but I have tried to let the memories of those painful memories take a back seat to the happier memories of my father reading to me when I was a small child.

I find an odd sort of comfort and solace in the fact that it was my father's voice, and my listening to it through his chest as he read children's stories to me and my siblings that led me to understand something about the nature of God. 

Something that was kind. That was generous. That was dependable. Something that could be found in the midst of the complexities and challenges of the human condition. That had its own nobility.  That was capable of participating in redemption and salvation.

When I think about that, I can move beyond God the father and further into deep gratitude for the gift and mystery of this amazing life.

And, I can say, "Happy Father's Day".

God is marching

What happens to a movement when the agitators for change from the far outer edge of society are joined by those who belong to the very organizations that once - and, in some cases, still - lead the oppression against them?

Last week, the Washington Post reported that, for the first time ever:

Organizers of this weekend’s Capital Pride named 14 faith-based groups participating in Sunday’s festival for the first time. They include Baptist, Lutheran and Quaker churches as well as the country’s largest Buddhist denomination, a Conservative synagogue and a Mormon advocacy group.

And, not just members of those religious denominations, but clergy and bishops and the head of the Jewish Reform movement, marching amidst a sea of rainbow banners and balloons and to the incessant beat of Very Loud music with a religious double entendre like "I'm A Believer" and "I Am What I Am" and "We Are Family". 

WAPO also reported:

Perhaps the most prominent first in 2013 will be the participation in Saturday’s parade of Washington National Cathedral, the seat of the Episcopal Church and the site of many presidential funerals and major national interfaith gatherings. The Episcopal Church, a small but prominent Protestant denomination, has been generally in favor of gay equality for years but the Cathedral leadership has been raising the bar in the last few months.

The Episcopal Church?  "Generally in favor of gay equality"?

That has to be the understatement of the year!

It's not exactly "generally in favor" when you have institutional approval of LGBT people for ordination and marriage equality. 

Oh, we are not in 100% agreement on much of anything - as it should be - but "generally in favor"?  C'mon!

And, The Episcopal Church has been "raising the bar"? Oh, honey, we own the bar!

I know the source is WAPO, but sheesh!

Which gets back to my original question - especially if The Episcopal Church is, in fact, "small but prominent" and yet is really striving to live into the Gospel mission of "welcoming the stranger".

What happens to a movement when your detractors don't exactly wave the white flag and admit defeat but do concede - with palpable chagrin - that you have made advances in your cause? 

Looking at other movements may be instructive.

Take, for example, the Civil Rights Movement.

I find it hard to believe that sometime, before the beginning of summer, the Supreme Court will be rendering its decision on Section Five of the Voting Rights Act of 1965.  As Nate Silver points out, "statistical analysis can inform the answers if applied thoughtfully. But statistics can obscure the truth when they become divorced from the historical, legal and logical context of a case."

Or, let's look at the Reproductive Justice Movement.

Just this morning the House Judiciary Committee signed off on a bill that would ban abortion after 20 weeks of pregnancy.  Yes, of course, it's unconstitutional. Yes, of course it won't pass the Senate and, even if by some weird set of circumstances it did, the President would veto it.

When did any of that matter to House Republicans - they who don't do anything but introduce yet another bill to defeat The Affordable Care Act?

I will remind you, gentle reader, that Roe v. Wade, which defined the viability of a fetus at 24 weeks - was passed in 1973.

The Birth Control Pill - along with other contraceptive agents and devices - have been with us for over 50 years. And yet... AND YET.... we are still having conversations about making contraception available to women as part of good preventative health care based on the objections of some religious leaders in some denominations. 

My point (and I do have one) is this: All justice movements - every single last one of them - require two things: vigilance and persistence.

Just as prejudice has to be "carefully taught", the effects of generations of bigotry and institutional oppression have to be carefully unraveled.

That takes time.

Generations of time.

So, yes, let's celebrate when men and women in purple shirts march along side us in PRIDE parades.

Yes, let's praise God when judicatory leaders issue statements celebrating PRIDE month and recommitting their efforts to fight against Hate Crimes.

And, absolutely, let's revel in the advances we've made and the victories that have been hard-fought and well-won.

But, don't let articles like this fool you. Or, lull you into complacency.

I know it's been almost 40 years but, in many ways, we've only just begun.

Yes, we've won some major battles, but the war is still on. Look, I don't like the war imagery, either, but for one who has been in this battle for 37 years, I can tell you from experience that, like it or not, that's the reality.  Well, my reality, anyway.  And, the reality of a lot of other people.

Masculine Femininity

Don't believe me? Well, why is it then that in New York City, the incidence of hate crimes against LGBT people has actually risen?

And, why is it that one young gay man - 32 year old Mark Carson - was murdered just last month in Manhattan?

Here's the truth of it, then: Despite all the progress we've made, homophobia is still alive and well and living in the hearts of many people in this country and around the world.

So, when you march in Gay Pride Parades, yes, do rejoice and be glad when you see your a contingent from your church holding your church banner,  or your bishop in purple splendor waving from the back of a convertible, or your judicatory leader marching along with you.

Know that, before they were there - before YOU were there - God was marching with us.

God is behind all of our progress. God has carried us and brought us to this moment in our history. And, God will not drop us on our heads - unless we have fallen asleep and need to open our eyes.

See also: vigilance and persistence.

So, march on, dear Queer sisters and brothers - LGBT and straight allies - one and all.

Know that our God is marching, too.

Glory, glory, Hallelujah!

Radical Hospitality: A Cautionary Tale for Pride Month

From: A Blog for Dallas Area Catholics

In case you haven't heard, June is PRIDE Month.

If you don't know why, let me give you a very brief explanation: Way back when, in the bad old days before TV programs like "Will and Grace" and "The New Normal," it was not cool to be gay.  Not. At. All. In fact, many people couldn't even say the "L" word out loud, much less in public - including lots of lesbians. (Remember when Ellen came out?)

I know. I know. Hard to believe now, right? Well....maybe not so much, depending on where you live.

Anyway, in the worst of those bad old days - in the mid to late 60s - police often held harassing raids in bars that were know to be places where gay men - especially drag queens - frequented.  Once such bar was the Stonewall Inn at 43 Christopher Street in Greenwich Village, New York.

In the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, the police raided the Stonewall Inn but this time, one tired old drag queen decided that enough was enough. She squinted her heavily mascaraed eyes, dug the heels of her gold lame pumps into the floor, held onto her wig and resisted arrest.

The "urban legend" is that the drag queen was Marsha Johnson who hollered at the police, "I got my civil rights!" Then, Marsha threw a shot glass into a mirror. And that's what started all the riots. This was later know as the 'shot glass' heard round the world.

(Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm here all week. Try the cheesecake.)

ANYWAY, that sparked a series of spontaneous, violent demonstrations by the gay community that became known as The Stonewall Riots. In turn, those riots sparked the Gay Pride Movement, which, in turn, gave birth to Gay Pride Month.

Which is in June.  PRIDE. Rhymes with bride. The opposite of shame.

I don't know what it's like in your neck of the woods, but in the NE Corridor and all along the East and West Coast, there are PRIDE events and PRIDE marches and PRIDE parades. 

I don't know what it's like in your denomination, but many Episcopal Churches in major cities and small communities are a visible presence during Gay Pride Parades and various events.

Booths will be staffed by Episcopal clergy and laity who will hand out bumper stickers and buttons and refrigerator magnets and pamphlets that proclaim "The Episcopal Church Welcomes YOU!"

Street Eucharists will be held with bishops or LGBT priests presiding. Magnificent Evensongs will be chanted by fabulous choirs while great pots of incense are swung by trim, handsome young men vested in lace and brocade up to their armpits.  Intelligent, moving, funny, and/or clever sermons will be preached by LGBT clergy or laity.

Yes, Gay Pride Month IS a fabulous evangelism opportunity and I'm really, really glad that LGBT people and our straight allies take that opportunity seriously.

In the midst of all of our enthusiasm, however, I'd like to tell you about a little experience I had recently that was pretty sobering.

I've been asked to help out at my local MCC (Metropolitan Community Church) while their interim pastor is away at Annual Conference. So, I thought I should drop by on Sunday and check out the congregation and liturgical style of this particular community of faith.

If you've never been to an MCC church, they are a fascinating amalgam of mainline Protestant traditions with a Eucharistic center. Some people will raise their hands in prayer or song like good Evangelicals. Others will bless themselves and genuflect. Some of the hymns are old standards. Others are "contemporary Christian"....um...rock/folk/musak/whatever.

They are also ruthlessly, relentlessly inclusive and egalitarian. The laity are fully involved in every aspect of the liturgy including, occasionally, lay presidency.

This particular church was no different. The pastor presided at a fairly abbreviated Eucharistic prayer which sounded very much like Eucharistic Prayer A from the Book of Common Prayer. And then, the servers came forward and, together, they formed two Communion Stations to distribute the wafers and grape juice (no wine).

The ushers then came forward to guide the congregation to receive Communion - but, unlike most churches that start from the front and move back, this one allowed those sitting in the rows in the back of the church to move forward first (see also: ruthlessly, relentlessly inclusive and egalitarian).

Being a good Episcopalian, I had taken a seat near one of the back rows of the church.  When I started to make my way to the center aisle, the usher came to me and whispered, "Are you alone?"

"Yes," I answered, a bit startled.

"You don't have to do this alone," he whispered.

Confused, I looked at him and said, "What?"

"It's your first time here, right?"

"Right," I said.

"You don't have to do this alone," he repeated.

"No....um...no....I'm good," I said, still a bit confused.

"Really," he said, "You don't have to do this alone. I can get someone to go with you. It's no problem."

I smiled at him and said, "Thank you. I'm okay. Really."

He looked directly into my eyes, to make sure what I was saying passed his authenticity test, and then, being satisfied, waved me forward.

On the way home, I thought a great deal about that experience and wondered what it might have been all about. Later on that week, I met up with the interim pastor and asked her if what I thought might be true was, in fact, what was going on: Was he being, in some way, 'protective' of me?

Yes, she said, he was. She said that, week after week - but especially in the weeks of Gay Pride Month - in MCC churches around the country, LGBT come to church. Some have been away for a long, long time.  Some have stayed away because they didn't feel welcome.

Others were, in fact, told to their faces that they were not welcome. Still others have stayed away because they had been abused - physically, psychologically and/or spiritually, and yes, some sexually - by their religious leaders.

Being in church with other LGBT people - open, affirming, included LGBT people - singing familiar hymns, and praying familiar prayers is more than many could have either hoped for or imagined ever being possible.

But, being invited to Eucharist? To receive the Body of Christ? To come to Jesus "just as I am without one plea"? To be welcomed AND fully included at the Eucharistic feast?

Well, it can be overwhelming. It's not something a person ought to do alone. You need community around you. Supporting you. Making sure you know that it's not a dream, but a dream come true.

It's a pretty sobering thought, isn't it? Something that many of us take for granted is still such a precious gift to so many as to cause them to be cautious about being alone when it is received.

I tell this story as a cautionary tale to those of us who enthusiastically embrace the opportunities for evangelism during Pride Month.

Radical hospitality is something we all need to practice. Do remember, however, that some of God's children have been starved for a very long time. We need to be mindful that we may also need to practice 'radical sensitivity' to those whom Jesus called the 'anawim', the outcast.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Any act that provides the Bread of Heaven and the Cup of Salvation for all - and anyone who comes to the table - will always cause at least a stir.

When one who has been excluded is the one who presides at that Eucharist, or when the one who has been excluded invites absolutely everyone to the Table to be fed, well, it becomes, in and of itself, the revolutionary act which Jesus intended it to be.

Let us not lose sight of this when we invite Absolutely Everyone to the Table.

Radical hospitality is revolutionary.

And, when you're in the midst of a revolution, it always helps to have a friend or two with you.

So you know you are not dreaming, but rather participating in a dream come true. 

You don't have to do it alone. 

Especially when you've been away for a while.

In Memorium

I don't know about you, but things feel a little crazy to me these days.

The shootings in Auroa, CO and Sandy Hook, CN. 

The way Hurricane Sandy tore through the East Coast and the Tornado tore up Moore, OK.

The insanity in the Middle East and Korea.

The scandal of sexual violence and rape in our Military. 

I'm grateful for those who "made the ultimate sacrifice" for this country, whom we honor today, but given the human failings which have been the major contributing factor to climate change and the killing of the innocent, I sometimes wonder about the nature of that sacrifice.

I came across a statement from Chief Seattle the other day which has become my Memorial Day prayer.  I share it here with you in the hope that we may one day know peace.

We are all children of the Great Spirit.
     We all belong to Mother Earth.
     Our planet is in great trouble.
If we keep on carrying grudges
     and do not work together,
          we will all die.

Holy, gracious and loving God, we know you by many names: make us one, even as you are one, that we may be reconciled with you and one another and restored to wholeness and holiness of life.  Amen.

Happy Mother's Day!

Forget "M is for the many things she gave me......". No really. Let's forget it completely. And, forever.

And, please don't start with "Mama" by Connie Francis.  I might get physically ill.

Actually, I don't think Luciano Pavarotti does it any better.

I could skip "Mama" by Genesis, but if you played "A Song for Mama" by Boyz II Men I wouldn't stop you. It would, however, be the only Mother's Day Song I'd let you play.

But, this......THIS....is my all-time favorite Mother's Day song. 

Probably because it is written and performed by an actual mother who knows of what she speaks.  Besides, it is written to the tune of "William Tell Overture," which, in my experience, is apt.

Motherhood is not for sissies. And, it is not limited by either biology or gender.

Any questions? Just give a listen here.

Oh, and Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day: Women at the Wall

Depending on your perspective, what's happening at the Western Wall (in Hebrew, the Kotel) in the city of Jerusalem is either a travesty and sin against all that is holy - or - it is a sign and symbol of God's ongoing call of inclusive love to every last one of God's creatures - including women.

Or, it could be seen as symbolic of the struggle of all women throughout time who have stood at many walls - real and metaphorical - and prayed to God for a just society. 

It could also be seen as emblematic of the struggle at the core of the identity of Israel: How can it be a thriving, healthy democracy when the ultra-Orthodox (in Hebrew, the Haredim) wants it to be a theocracy?

Or, as my friend, a Reconstructionist Jew who is wholeheartedly supportive of The Women at the Wall and has worshiped there herself with her sisters who are working for change, posits the issue: "The question being asked by the Haredim is how can a people whose identity of themselves comes from the way they worship God know who they are as a nation of people if the way they have worshiped for centuries is radically changed?"

"The problem," she continues, "is not that the way we have worshiped has changed. We say the same prayers, chant the same Shema, observe the same holy days as we always have."

"The problem - well, for the Haredim," she says, "is that groups of men and groups of women and, increasingly, integrated groups of men and women want to pray these ancient prayers together. That, for the Haredim, is blasphemy and heresy and an abomination in the sight of God."

She tells me that non-Orthodox do not have the same legal rights as Orthodox Jews in Israel. Their rabbis are not recognized by the state, and are prevented from conducting marriages. The tax code discriminates against secular and non-Orthodox practicing (Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist or - gasp!- Renewal) Jews.

She report that over a quarter of a million Israelis are treated as second class citizens because they are not Jewish as the Orthodox defines what it means to be a Jew. They cannot marry in Israel, face bureaucratic hurdles no one else does, and some are even retroactively denied citizenship and are under threat of deportation to countries they either never knew or left when toddlers.

I smiled ironically and observed, "You know, one of my therapists always cautioned me, 'That which we reject, we become'. It seems to me that the Haredim are most vocal against Iran where there is a theocracy and yet, that's precisely what what they are trying to achieve in Israel."

My friend smiled sadly, shook her head and said, "Isn't that what we've been fighting for centuries? Isn't that what you, in The Episcopal Church, have been fighting, even almost 40 years after the ordination of women? Isn't that what the Anglican church is fighting over elected or appointing women to the episcopacy?"

The Very Rev'd Janet Henderson

My thoughts immediately went to Janet Henderson, the first woman to be appointed Dean of the Cathedral at Llandaff, who resigned just two months after her appointment to that post.

According to Thinking Anglicans, "Church in Wales sources have told WalesOnline that Dean Henderson had had “a difficult time” since her appointment, with some clergy resenting the appointment of a woman…"

I thought of the reports from the Western Wall yesterday, Rosh Hodesh Iyar, the first of the month, when several hundred women who had gathered to pray were greeted by hundreds of Haredim men who stood on chairs and looked down at them as if they "were parasites" and threw garbage and plastic water bottles at them and hurled insults at them and taunted them.

I can only imagine what Henderson went through in Wales that would lead her to quit after only two months as Dean. Perhaps actual garbage and plastic water bottles were not thrown at her, but there are words that can inflict more harm on a person's soul than that.

Sexism is alive and well in all corners of the church. The situation at the Cathedral in Wales is one of the more obvious. And, tragic. Others provide evidence of "death by a thousand paper cuts". 

I wish I could remember the study - I think it was PEW - that indicated that, in the first five years of ordained ministry, women gained an average of 20-25 pounds. I remember sharing that stat with my women clergy colleague group and one woman said, "Right. It's insulation." 

And then, there are women in churches all over the country who become "one of the boys" and, for their "sins", are known by such (ahem) "terms of endearment" as "Mother Ironpants" or "Mother Bubba" or "Mother Fuhrer". 

All you have to do is gather up your courage, put on your asbestos sneakers, and head on over to one of the neo-Orthodox, uber-Calvinist blogs to discover that some of the "good old boys" are loathed to call our Presiding Bishop by her appropriate title (which, of course, is "The Most Rev'd Katharine Jefferts Schori") and, instead, refer to her as "Mrs. Schori" - so everyone remembers her proper place. Or, as a nod to her PhD in oceanography, some call her "The Squid in Chief." 

Such pathetic little boys!

At yesterday's mass demonstration at the Western Wall, ultra-Orthodox Rabbis all over Israel called on religious teenage girls in their seminaries who turned up in large numbers to protest the group’s insistence on praying at the wall in religious garb traditionally worn by men.

According to a report in the NY Times: "The girls crammed the women’s section directly in front of the wall by 6:30 a.m., forcing the liberal women to conduct their prayer service farther back on the plaza. There, hundreds of police officers locked arms in cordons to hold back throngs of black-hatted Orthodox men who whistled, catcalled, and threw water, candy and a few plastic chairs."

But Rabbi Israel Eichler, an ultra-Orthodox member of Parliament, warned that “if the state of Israel fights” the ultra-Orthodox, in Hebrew called Haredim, “it may win, but it will be erased from the face of the Earth.” 

“There were thousands of seminary girls there today,” he said. “Each one of them will have 10 children. That is our victory.”

The sad part is, he's right.  These brainwashed girls will go on to obediently marry and obey ultra-Orthodox men and have "a quiver full of children".

My thoughts immediately went to the recent commencement speech given my Mitt Romeny who told the recently graduated women of Southern Virginia University “I don’t think God cares whether you get rich,” he warned the crowd. “I don’t think he hopes that your business will make a huge profit. I know a lot of religious people who think God will intervene to make their investments grow. Or he’ll get them a promotion. To make their business a success. But life on this earth is about learning to live in a place where God does not make everything work out for good people.”

So, his advice? "Get married and have a quiver full of kids." 

Because, you know, that's the "natural order" of things. That's what it says in the Bible, right?

Elizabeth Smart

My thoughts also went to Elizabeth Smart the young Mormon girl who was abducted and repeatedly raped for months when she was just 14 years old. Smart spoke at a Johns Hopkins human trafficking forum, where she recalled that it was not only fear for the safety of her family that kept her from running but also a sense that rape had ruined her:  She said:

“It goes beyond fear. It’s feelings of self worth. Who would ever want me now? I’m worthless. That is what it was for me the first time I was raped. I was raised in a very religious household, one that taught that sex was something very special that only happened between a husband and a wife who loved each other... For that first rape, I felt crushed. ‘Who could want me now?’ I felt so dirty and so filthy. I understand all too well why someone wouldn’t run because of that alone. If you can imagine the most special thing being taken away from you? And feeling not that that was your only value in life, but that devalued you? I remember in school one time I had a teacher who was talking about abstinence, and she said, imagine, you’re a stick of gum and when you engage in sex, that’s like getting chewed, and if you do that lots of times, you’re going to be an old piece of gum, and who’s going to want you after that? And that’s terrible, and nobody should ever say that, but for me, I thought, I’m that chewed up piece of gum. Nobody ever rechews a piece of gum.  …That’s how easy it is to feel that you no longer have worth, you no longer have value. Why would you even bother screaming out?”

I applaud this young woman speaking out the truth, even if it means criticizing the religion of her childhood which she still loves.  Yes, it is terrible, and nobody should ever say that, no matter how well-intentioned they are.

My hope is that her words will serve as a wake-up call to the Church - Mormon, Catholic and Protestant - to see how damaging "traditional" religious teaching can be to healthy human sexuality in general and healthy women in particular.

It's the same kind of brainwashing the young teenaged women of the Haredim have undergone, which led one to say, “I’m here so they won’t be,” said one of the teenagers, who like a dozen others interviewed spoke on the condition that her name not be published. “It’s forbidden for them to be here. It’s allowed by the court, but it’s forbidden by God. If I’m here, there won’t be room for them.”

My hope is that one of those young women, in seeing one of those Women at the Wall dressed in prayer garments traditionally reserved for men, will have her eyes and her mind opened to the possibility that God might be calling all of God's creatures - male and female God is calling them - to worship God together.

Throughout the centuries of human existence, there have been many women who have stood at many and varied walls - some real, some metaphorical - and prayed. 

Which is why I've committed myself to joining my sisters in prayer at The Wall. I thank them and am deeply, deeply grateful, for their courage and their persistence and their tenacity to fight against this injustice.

They are leading the way for change, the way religious Jewish women have throughout history.

These women stand in the tradition of Eve, Sarah, Hagar, Miriam, Hannah, Rachel, Leah, Ruth, Naomi, Dinah, Judith, Ester, Rebekah, Deborah, and, many, many others - known and unknown - whose names are written in the palm of God's hand.

As well as, of course, the young girl from Nazareth named Mary.

These are our religious mothers, as are the women of today to dare to stand at the Wall and boldly proclaim the truth that praying is a mitzvah - a commandment - not a crime.

For those who love God, praying is beyond a mitzvah. It is something we do as naturally as breathing. It is our way of being in constant communication with the One who created us in Love to be a manifestation of God's love on this Earth.

I will offer the Women at the Wall a "spiritual bouquet" - as the nuns of my youth called prayers of special intention and prise and thanksgiving.

Every day. But, especially tomorrow.

Mother's Day.